Rethinking ConsequencesMar 03, 2022
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In this episode we’re diving into step 4 of the Calm Mama Process - CORRECT. We’re rethinking consequences and learning how to use them effectively.
I covered the first 3 steps of the Calm Mama Process in previous podcast episodes. If you missed them, be sure to go back and listen.
We all want our kids to become thoughtful and responsible humans.
Kids who can think for themselves, make decisions that don't harm themselves or others, and take personal responsibility for their actions.
The way kids learn these things is by EXPERIENCING the impact of their choices.
In the Calm Mama Process, we use consequences to teach our kids that when you have a behavior, it's going to create a result.
Effective consequences teach your kids to think without having them experience pain, shame or disconnection.
To do that, we need to start out by thinking like our kids:
- They don’t think about the future and are very in the moment.
- They don’t really understand cause and effect.
- They don’t want to stop what they’re doing or wait for what they want.
- And they don’t really know how to think about other people’s feelings yet.
This is simply the journey of childhood. It doesn’t mean anything about your child or who they will grow up to be.
We understand that feelings drive behavior, and we use Connection to help our kids learn strategies to communicate and cope with their big feelings.
So we don’t shame our kids for their feelings or even judge their behavior.
Instead, what we do is help our child see the connection between their behavior and the impacts of the behavior.
Even though we have compassion for their feelings, it doesn't mean they're excused from the result of their actions.
So when your kid has an action that creates a problem for someone else, they have to fix it. Restore what was damaged.
With CORRECT, you give your child the opportunity (in a loving, logical way) to repair, restore or resolve the impact of their actions.
- The difference between consequences and punishment
- Why lectures and time outs aren’t working
- The 3 types of impact a behavior can have - and how to respond to each of them
- How to hold your kid accountable without shaming or disconnection
- Simple questions you can ask yourself to create effective consequences