Easy Routines with “The 5 Things”

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When my kids were little, I came up with a routine that I called “The 5 Things”. Basically, I decided on five things that my kids needed to do before school every morning - the non-negotiables. Today, you’ll learn how to create and follow through on your own morning and bedtime routines. 

Barking orders, reminding over and over, and rushing kids does not set you up for a good morning or the gentle handoff we want. The 5 Things is a way to create a simple routine kids can remember and complete on their own (with a little practice, of course).

What Are The 5 Things?

In our house, The 5 Things were:

1. Get dressed
2. Brush your teeth
3. Eat breakfast
4. Get your lunchbox and backpack
5. Put on your socks and shoes

About five minutes before it was time to leave, I would stand at the door, look them in the eyeballs, and say, “Okay, it’s time to leave. Have you done your five things?”

If they hadn’t done them all yet or if they looked at me with a confused, blank stare, I’d try to coach them through in a way that required them to do their own thinking. 

You can just hold out your 5 fingers and help them go through and tick them down together. 

I LOVE this video from @sprinkleinlearning showing a similar morning routine in action.

Choosing Your 5 Things

Your 5 Things don’t have to be exactly the same as mine. 

In the video, you’ll see that the little girl is already dressed, and her 5 Things are backpack, water, lunch, shoes, and jacket. 

There are a few areas here where I have some thoughts…

Water bottles - I never really cared about my kids taking a water bottle to school. They were welcome to fill up a bottle and put it in their backpack anytime, but it wasn’t something I was going to manage for them. 

Breakfast - There are lots of differing opinions about eating breakfast in the morning. In our house, I always had breakfast available for a certain period of time (e.g. 7:00-7:40 am). This allowed me to have things cleaned up and put away before we had to leave for school. 

I deeply believe that a hungry belly is the best teacher when you want kids to learn to eat right. Their brain will start to connect the dots of, “I was hungry today, and it didn’t feel good. So I’m going to eat my breakfast tomorrow.”

Most young kids also end up having some kind of snack early in the day, so they likely won’t be hungry for long. If you’re really concerned about your kid eating because they need to take medication that requires food, etc., you can have a granola bar or smoothie set up that they can eat in the car. 

Jackets - If you live somewhere with cold weather, and your child needs a jacket, don’t overthink it. It can get clumped in with putting on socks and shoes. Often my kids would come home with their sweatshirts in their backpacks (we live in California, so not a lot of cold weather), so I would have them keep the sweatshirt near the backpack so it was ready to go the next day.

Why The 5 Things Works

The biggest thing I like about The 5 Things is that it requires kids to do their own thinking. They have to memorize what is required of them in order to go to school. 

It will take some time for kids to internalize this. What I love so much about the video with the lights (you could also use a checklist or other tool) is that it starts to build muscle memory for your child. 

The body loves routine and rhythm. It loves predictability and doing the same thing every day. So the more you can create these consistent routines, the easier it is for your kids. 

Managing Time & Behavior in the Mornings

When in doubt, give yourself extra time. 

Think about things like how long it takes your kids to eat and do their other morning things and how much time you need to clean up breakfast. 

I always built in 15 minutes before we were supposed to leave to put on socks and shoes and deal with last-minute needs like:

• Finishing up their 5 Things
• Going to the bathroom
• Dealing with spills, the dog, etc.
• Answering an unexpected phone call

Give yourself a cushion so that you don’t feel stressed. This is essential to the gentle handoff. 

If a kid creates a big problem in the morning, and you don’t leave on time, delay the consequence, but let them experience the negative impact of their behavior later on. 

For example, after school you might say, “We left 7 minutes late today because of what happened this morning. That 7 minutes is time that I would normally be taking care of myself or the family. So here are 3 things you can do to repair that time back to me.”

You don’t need to yell or threaten when things go wrong in the morning. We don’t want kids to comply because they're afraid. We want them to comply and listen to you because they know it's in their best interest to do that. They figure out that when they have a peaceful, easy morning and get out the door on time, that means they get to have a peaceful, easy afternoon.

Things for Bedtime

We also had The 3 Things for bedtime. Those 3 Things were put on pajamas, brush teeth, and go to the bathroom. 

I would say, “I’m happy to read books to you as long as you do your 3 Things before the timer goes off.” Then, try not to hover. No rescuing. 

The first few times, they might not get their things done before the timer goes off. That’s okay. When they’re first learning, you can adjust the limit. Maybe you tell them you’ll still read one book if they do their things in the next three minutes. You can even make a game of it.

If that still doesn’t work, stay calm and keep them moving. Say, “This is the time to put your pajamas on. Are you doing it, or am I doing it?” 

If you stick with it, they’ll sense that you’re serious. Especially if the next day they ask to go the park and you say, “ Oh, no, we can't do that today. Because last night bedtime went 30 minutes late. So that was 30 minutes that I didn't get to do my chores. We have 30 minutes of chores to do at home. We'll see if we can do something fun after that.”

Your kids will fail sometimes. But after you communicate and follow through with consequences a few times, they will learn what is required of them. Creating and communicating these simple routines, teaching them, and holding your kids accountable will make your life so much easier. 

You’ll Learn:

• What The 5 Things are and how to use this tool to create simple routines for your kids
• Why The 5 Things helps kids think for themselves
• How to adapt the tool to bedtime or other routines in your family

Previous Episodes:

• Episode 190 - Make Mornings Better with the Gentle Handoff
• Episode 191 - Eyeballs [Make Afternoons Easier]