Eyeballs [Make Afternoons Easier]

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This one simple practice that I call “Eyeballs” can make your afternoons easier and add powerful connection to anytime you reunite with your child. It only takes a few seconds and very little effort, but I know it will make a huge difference in your home.

I love this so much because your child wants to be seen by you. They desperately want to feel loved, accepted, and safe. And they get this from you when you simply take a moment to acknowledge them and say hello.

Moments of Reunion Matter

A moment of reunion can happen anytime you’ve been apart from your child. Maybe it’s first thing in the morning, when they get home from school, or after a sporting event or play date. 

When you are truly present in moments of reunion, it sets up the rest of your time together in a way that feels connected and calming. 

It feels good to be greeted warmly. Think about when you walk up to a hostess in a restaurant or check in for an appointment. How much nicer is it when they make eye contact, smile, and welcome you? It makes you feel lighter, more compliant, and you probably smile back. 

This is the kind of moment you’re trying to create with your kid. 

Especially at the end of the school day, kids are really tired. They’re waiting for that moment when they can relax and decompress. It’s time for them to take a deep exhale, and they want you to be a part of it. 

How To Do Eyeballs

Eyeballs is all about connection. 

I call this strategy Eyeballs because I think it’s funny 😆. But it’s also more than just eye contact. It’s looking into your kid’s eyes and looking past the surface, a little bit deeper. 

In fact, one of the biggest reasons I love looking into my kids’ eyes is because it makes me remember that I like them. I remember who they really are at their core and all the things that are great about them.

Here’s how to do it:

Pause what you’re doing. Even if you’re talking to another mom at school pickup, say, “Hey, I’m going to greet my kid real quick.” If you’re folding laundry or doing other chores when your child comes through the door, put it down. 

Look your child in the eyes and actually look at them. Notice who they are. If you have little kids, squat down to eye level. This can be harder if you have to go through a carpool lane (which often feels so hectic), but it only takes a second to turn around and look at your child while they’re buckling their seat belt. 

Greet them with a smile. Say something like, “Hi, I missed you,” “I’ve been thinking about you,” “I’m so glad you’re here,” or “I can’t wait to hear about your day.”

Wait to get into transactional conversation like homework, water bottles, afternoon activity plans, etc. until after you’ve done this Eyeball reunion. 

Why It Works

If you show up in the school carpool line and you're still on the phone and you are distracted and you're stressed out about dinner, it’s really difficult for your kid. No judgment - we’ve all been there!

Kids need a chance to reset their nervous system after school and connect back to home life. They need a little bit of a transition. If your child doesn’t get that reset and is dysregulated, you’re going to see more misbehavior, complaining, arguing, sibling fights, etc.

But when you do that little bit of connection with your kid, they tend to not need to get attention from you through misbehavior or hitting their brother or fighting with their sister or complaining about everything that happened at school today.

A lot of times, if you do Eyeballs, your whole afternoon is set up in a much more regulated way. 

When you make it a habit and do it often enough, you’ll create a loving, peaceful, connected environment, and your kids will follow that. It becomes the way your family greets each other.

I hope you’ll try Eyeballs this week, Mama. Try it next time you see your kid and see what happens! Let your child know, “Hey, I see you, and I’m glad you’re here.”

You’ll Learn:

• What the Eyeballs tool is and how to use it (it’s gonna change your life!)
• Why connection doesn’t have to be complicated
• My favorite phrase for reuniting with my kids

Previous Episodes:

• Episode 190 - Make Mornings Better with the Gentle Handoff
• Episode 87 - The 3 Rs of Emotional Regulation