Back To School Shit Show (Encore)

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This encore episode about the back to school shit show is one I come back to over and over again - because it’s something parents struggle with every. single. year.

The transition back to school from summer break is definitely a transition. Kids suddenly have to wake up early, get themselves ready and out the door (on time). And it’s a transition for you too as you settle everyone into a new routine. 

There are special challenges that come up, and I want you to be prepared for the shenanigans that might happen with your kids in the coming weeks. 

In this fan-favorite episode, I’m talking about 5 things you need to know as school starts and how to create the right mindset going into the next couple of weeks so that you can be compassionate with your kids (and so you don't lose your mind).

I share these not because I want you to be filled with worry and dread, but because I want you to go into this school year feeling confident, ready and hopeful. And I want you to be able to feel calm when this stuff is happening. 

Why is Back To School Such a Shit Show?

For your kid, going back to school is kinda like going back to work. And it comes with a lot of thoughts, feelings, excitement, and nerves. This can show up in a lot of different ways. Here are 5 of the ones I see most in the families I work with.

1. Your kid may not like their teacher. It doesn’t mean anything about your kid or what their year will be like. Quality relationships take time to build, and it’s ok if your kid doesn’t warm up to their teacher right away.
2. Your kids are going to be exhausted the first week of school. Keep the afternoons open and be flexible. I love to stay away from screens for the first hour and use this time for connection, outdoor time, or just a rest.
3. Sibling conflict might shoot through the roof during this back to school transition. Try to create special time with your kids by spending 10 minutes or so one-on-one with each kid doing whatever they’re doing.  
4. Social stuff is going to come up. It happens at almost every age. Friendships shift over the summer, and navigating friendships might be hard for your kid. Give it some time and trust that your child is going to find their people, their friend group, and it's going to be okay. Be comfortable with your child's discomfort.
5. Expect misbehavior to escalate over the next two weeks. Your child is going through a lot and using all their good coping strategies at school all day.  When they come home, they can finally relax.  And more big feelings cycles are likely to happen. 

Remember that your kid is using their behavior to communicate or cope with their big feelings. Take a moment to reset your own nervous system and get curious about what’s going on for them. If you can stay calm and practice compassion, your child will be able to move through these feelings more quickly. 

Your Back To School Mindset Shifts

Feeling calm and confident starts with your thoughts. Here are some of my favorites to use during the first couple weeks of school (as well as other transition periods).

• This is a transition. You can also add… and transitions are temporary. 
• It will take time to figure out our rhythm and routine. These first couple weeks are a time of curiosity and exploration. What feels difficult? Where’s the friction? What’s working well?
• I have plenty of time. As you’re figuring out your routines, it might take longer to get out the door in the morning. Dropoff and pickup lines might be long and slow. Give yourself time and permission to figure it out.
• I don’t have to be perfect today. If you’re stressed because you’re trying to reach an unreasonable “perfect mom” standard, you’ll put pressure on your kids and they will feel it - which leads to acting out and big feelings. 
• My kids are 100% going to master the back to school routine. There’s no timeline here. It will take as long as it takes, but they will get there.

Take a few moments to write out a list of thoughts that you want to be thinking during the first week of school. Feel free to borrow mine or come up with your own. 

I also want to leave you with the idea that your job is to deliver the calmest, most emotionally regulated kid you can to school in the morning. I call this a gentle handoff. 

In order to do this, you need to be calm yourself and have realistic expectations for the morning. Your stress is contagious. But so is your positive thinking and calm. It’s okay if you’re a little bit late. It’s okay if someone forgets their lunchbox or has a meltdown before school.

You are the leader in your home, in both mindset and operations. Transitions are temporary, and your family WILL figure this out. 

Wishing you great back to school vibes, Mama!

You’ll Learn:

• 5 challenges that often arise as school starts - and how to handle them
• Why you don’t need to start in with your school year routines just yet
• Thoughts to help you (and your kids) through the back-to-school transition
• What your #1 job is as a mom in these first weeks of the school year
• An exercise to help you prepare your mindset

Resources:

• Episode 80: Back To School Checklist
• Episode 82: Simplifying Your Life
• Episode 30: Make Mornings Easier
• Easy Mornings With Kids: The Ultimate Morning Routine Roadmap