When You Lose Your TemperJul 07, 2022
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When you lose your temper with your kid, it doesn’t feel great. But it IS totally normal.
Perfection is not possible, in parenting especially. All parents lose their temper and speak or act harshly towards their kids from time to time.
In this episode, I’m sharing what’s really going on when you lose your temper and what to do after the dust settles.
Losing Your Temper
First, let’s get clear on one thing.
No one can make you angry. Not even your kid.
Anger is an emotion that comes from your thoughts about a situation or behavior.
And getting angry isn’t actually the problem.
What really matters is how you handle the moments when anger takes over and you lose your temper.
These moments are sometimes called “ruptures”, because they interrupt the connection between parent and child.
When you speak or act harshly towards your child, you create a negative impact and disconnection in your relationship.
How To Say Sorry To Your Kid
When you do lose your temper, it’s time to take responsibility for your actions and repair the rupture (in the same way we would guide our kids to take responsibility for the impacts of their behavior).
"Repair" is the conversation you have with your child in order to mend the disconnection between you.
These conversations teach your kids how to resolve conflict, empower them to make mistakes and repair them and create more emotional safety and connection in your home.
A repair conversation has three parts:
Acknowledge what happened
Recognize the impact your behavior had on them
Repair your mistake
And in between, you hold plenty of space for your child to process and respond.
I’ll walk you through these three parts in more detail and show you how to have a repair conversation with your kids that actually restores connection and strengthens your relationships.
There is no "right" outcome for these conversations. They can be awkward and don't always go smoothly. But, I promise, the benefits outweigh the discomfort.
Listen in to learn how so that you’ll be ready the next time you lose your cool.
- Unhealthy ways parents often handle a rupture
- 10 benefits of repair conversations for kids
- How to lead a repair conversation with your child (and what to expect when you do)
Connect With Me:
- Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress or Facebook @calmmamacoaching
- Join Calm Mama Club
- Book a call
Know what's even better than repairing a rupture after you lose your temper?
Losing your temper less in the first place.
Inside Calm Mama Club, you get really good at managing your emotions. You know how to get yourself to calm no matter what your kid does — from toddler meltdowns to teenage shenanigans — so you don’t get stuck in the parenting spiral of yelling, repeating, being mean, shutting down, and using threats and punishments.
You get all the resources and personal support you need to learn how to manage your own thoughts and emotions so you show up as the mom you want to be, enjoy your kids and stop feeling like a "bad mom".