Good Summer Vibes

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There's more to summer than camps, trips, and schedules. While those things are all a part of summertime, the way you think and feel about summer matters just as much (if not more!). Today, I'm going beyond structure and calendars and talking about creating good summer vibes, so you can actually enjoy all those things you're planning. Then, we'll also get into creating a good summer plan and dealing with common obstacles that come up. 

The goal is that when you send your kids off to school in the fall, you can look back on this summer and think, "That was fun."

Whether you already have the entire summer planned out or you're winging it and hoping for the best, these tips will help you to feel comfortable and confident heading into the summer break.

I like to think of summer preparation in 3 different parts:

Your summer mindset
Your summer plan
Your summer confidence

When you put these 3 pieces together, you end up with a summer that feels good for you, with a healthy combination of routine and freedom. 

Your Summer Mindset

When I talk about mindset, the basic idea is that your feelings come from thoughts that you have. So by choosing the thoughts you want to focus on, you can feel the way you want. The way you think about summer and lots of open-ended time with your kids determines how you feel. 

If you go into the summer thinking, "This is going to be hard," or, "I don't like spending this much time with my kids," it is going to feel a lot harder. 

Summer is a long haul. It means a LOT of time with your kids, especially if you don't have childcare.  Your kid is going to misbehave and have big feelings and complain and be too hot and overtired. You are going to feel tired. There are going to be hard days. 

Lots of parents get to the end feeling burned out, overwhelmed, frustrated, angry, and resentful. But you can also get to the end of summer feeling joyful, present, and with some really great memories. 

The first thing I want you to do is think about how you want to remember this summer. How do you want to feel about it? What thoughts do you want to have about it? How do you want to feel about yourself and your kids? What do you want the tone of your summer to be?

Some examples of things you might want to chase are:

• Joy
• Fun
• Gratitude
• Delight
• Connection
• Ease
• Challenge

Once you're clear on what feelings you want to chase, you can set an intention to guide you.

Let's say that you decide you're all about chasing fun this summer. Write down a few thoughts that you want to have about your summer, your kids, and yourself. These thoughts might feel like a bit of a stretch. It's a bit of a mix between making them believable and "fake it til you make it".

Here are a few more examples to get you started:

• I like playing with my kids.
• I love watching my kids learn new things.
• I love watching my kids smile and listening to them laugh.
• I want to remember this summer with _________ (insert your desired feeling).
• The more joy in my thoughts, the more joy in my actions. 
• I get to choose how I think and feel.
• Summer goes by quickly, and I want to enjoy it.
• I am enjoying my time as a mom.
• Peace is better than perfection. 
• Some days are hard, and that's okay.
• This is temporary. It's gonna be alright.

Another one of my favorite thoughts for summer is, "We don't have to". Parents often think they have to have extravagant, over the top events for their children in order for them to be happy or enjoy the summer. And that's just not true. 

You can make good memories in the simplest of moments. Playing a game, lounging around, eating popsicles, going to the park, looking at the clouds. Just being present in those kinds of moments is enough. Memories are created in the feelings, not the things.

What your kid really wants from you is your presence. They want you to be with them, look them in the eye, and move at their pace. 

Summer Plan

A common mistake parents make in the summer is letting things be too much of a free-for-all. I believe that kids do need a break from the demands and strict schedule of school, tutoring, sports, appointments, etc. And I want you to have a balanced structure to your day. 

Having more flow and flexibility during the summer is helpful for kids' nervous systems because their nervous system is naturally slower than ours. But I also like to think of limits and routines as the metronome beat underneath your family. It's a consistent rhythm. 

So how do you know when to let things flow and when to bring in some structure? The areas I'll talk you through today are screens, sweets, sleep, and chores.

Screen time. Ask yourself, "How do I want screens to go this summer?" Think about your screen routine during the school year. Will you keep it the same? Will you make changes?

I know you probably want me to tell you want to do here, but I'm not going to. It really depends on what you have going on, how busy your family is, how overwhelmed you are as a mom, etc. 

I do think it is generally a good idea to avoid screens first thing in the morning. Give them a chance to get up, have breakfast, and get their bodies moving. You can set whatever limits you want here. For example, "You can watch TV for an hour as long as you have gotten dressed, had breakfast, and brushed your teeth."

If your kids are going to camp, I'd avoid screens altogether in the morning. It's not worth the meltdown when you're trying to get them to turn it off and get out the door.

Sweets. How much, how often, and when will your kids get sweet treats? Will you allow one sweet treat per day? Only when you are out? Only on weekends?

Sleep. With the sun going down later, it's fine to make bedtime 30-40 minutes later. But once you decide on the new bedtime, be as consistent as you can. 

Of course there are nights when you're having a barbecue or you're watching 4th of July fireworks, and your kid ends up staying up late. It's not that big of a deal. The next day might be a little rough, but you can handle it. 

What gets really hard for kids is when they're up late multiple nights in a row. Their bodies get used to a rhythm, and it's important to stick to that as much as you can. 

Chores. The easiest way to get kids to do what you want them to do is to connect chores with another event. For example, "We'll leave for the beach once the trash cans are brought in," or, "We'll go to the pool today as long as everyone puts their laundry away by 11 a.m."

Here's the thing with limits. You can decide in the moment or change your rules every day if you want, but it will be confusing for your kids and you'll likely have more big feelings because they don't know what to expect. 

If you do set limits and create a structure around these things, be prepared to follow through on them consistently.

As you figure out your summer limits and structure, think about your ideal day. When you know how you want things to go, it's easier to decide what you want those rhythms and limits to be. 

Summer Confidence

Before we get into this one, I want you to know that a few things are inevitable during the summer:

• If you have more than one child, they are going to fight.
• Your kids will get bored. This is actually a good thing. 
• You will feel burned out. Summer is a heavy lift for moms. 
• People will have grumpy moods. Your kid will get grumpy, and you will get grumpy. It's okay to pivot if people aren't up for whatever you have planned. Trust your intuition. 

Repeat after me. "I am not my child's camp counselor." It is not your job to make your kids happy or to make them have fun. Boredom is uncomfortable for them, but it's their job to figure it out. Play is their work. 

In order to avoid burnout as much as possible (and get through it when it hits), you'll need to be proactive about managing your energy. Move your body daily. Connect with other adults. Do something that delights you. Allow your thoughts and feelings, and work on your mindset. Rest when you're tired. Even with screen time limits, you have permission at any time to put on a movie for your kids and take a break. 

Wishing you a calm (and FUN!) summer, Mama!

You’ll Learn:

• Why summer planning starts with your thoughts
• A little trick to make your new thoughts feel more true
• Summer routines and limits to decide in advance
• The inevitable challenges of summer (it's not just you!)
• How to avoid summer burnout as a mom

Additional Resources

• Check out our curated Calm Summer Mama podcast playlist on Spotify
• Get the Stress-Free Summer Toolkit
• Episode 182: Digital Detox Made Easy with Molly DeFrank
• Episode 130: How To Do a Digital Detox
• Episode 77: Summer Sibling Squabbles
• Episode 128: Encouraging Boredom
• Episode 125: Shift Any Mood