Dealing with ComplainingAug 04, 2022
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There are times when your kids are going through something hard or they have something on their mind, and the way they process it is by talking to you - aka complaining.
They get stuck in their big feelings. They’re afraid that the discomfort they’re experiencing is going to last forever. So they take all those thoughts and feelings and dump them on you.
It’s like the big-kid version of a temper tantrum and it can go on and on…and on.
When it comes down to it, your child is just looking for support in moving through their negative emotions.
And sometimes this goes on for a long time. I share a story in the episode about a time I went through this with my son, and that night I was in a place to be patient and compassionate and stick it out with him. But that doesn’t always feel easy.
There are times you may need to calm yourself before you can show up with compassion. There are also times you may need to set a limit or boundary around the complaining when it gets to be too much.
The goal here isn’t to protect or save our kids from discomfort. Instead, we want to help our kids navigate their thoughts and feelings and give them tools to communicate and cope with their negative emotions in ways that work.
Your role is not to solve their problem or convince them that everything is fine. It’s simply to be a compassionate witness to their struggle. To create a space that is safe for them to express their feelings.
In this episode, I walk you through three strategies for dealing with complaining: staying neutral, being compassionate and coaching your kid through their big feelings.
We’ll dive into all three of these with plenty of real-life examples, questions you can ask and my all-time favorite phrase for validating someone’s feelings.
- Why kids complain
- 3 strategies to deal with your kid’s complaining
- What to do when you’re done and you really can’t talk about it in a compassionate way anymore
- Two ways to coach your child through the situation they’re struggling with
- Why changing their circumstance is usually not the best approach
Connect With Me:
- Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress or Facebook @calmmamacoaching
- Join Calm Mama Club
- Book a call
- Rate and review the podcast on Amazon
The big “secret” to all of this? It only works if you’re CALM. Kid complaints is something we talk about all the time in Calm Mama Club (in fact, this episode was inspired by a recent coaching call).
You learn how to calm your own emotions so that you can coach your kid through theirs. They learn how to build awareness about what they are feeling and learn strategies to cope and communicate those feelings in healthy ways.