Are You a Mean Mom?Oct 19, 2022
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Ever feel like you are a mean mom? The difference between being mean and being firm can be confusing.
A lot of moms think that when they are firm with their children, they are being mean.
In this episode, you’ll learn the difference between being firm and mean and what to do when you’ve actually been mean with your child.
The difference between being firm and being a mean mom
I want you to know…
- Using a firm voice isn’t mean.
- Keeping people safe isn’t mean.
- Having limits isn’t mean.
- Enforcing your boundaries isn’t mean.
- Following through on consequences isn’t mean.
Being mean is when you hurt your child’s body. It’s when the moment of holding their arm to protect yourself or others becomes you squeezing too hard, or shoving their body away.
Being mean with your mouth is when you personalize your kid’s behavior or mistakes and say something about them as a person.
There might be a moment or many moments when you’ve been physical with your child in a way that crossed a line. Or moments when you’ve called your child a mean name. Or lectured them into shutdown mode. Cornered them with your rage.
- Lectures are often mean.
- Insults are mean.
- Name calling is mean.
- Physical aggression is mean.
- Threats are mean.
- Sometimes rescuing your kid from a mistake is mean.
What to do when you’ve been a mean mom
As you hear me share examples in this episode, you might be flooded with shame and guilt.
The way to get out of that shame and guilt is to talk about these moments. To find out what was going on for you in that moment. To be tender enough with yourself that you can say what you did, and ALSO explore what led up to that moment. You can’t change something if you won’t look at it.
The best thing you can do is find your firm, strong, leadership voice as a mom. Get clear on what is and what is not allowed in your family. Be firm, without being harsh.
I’ll leave you with this quote from one of my clients who said “Firm limits are the shortcut to the behavior you want without making your kid feel like shit in the process”. Yep. Firm, but not mean. You’ve got this.
- How to tell the difference between firmness and meanness as a mom
- What to do when you’ve been mean toward your kid
- Why building firm, strong leadership in your family is so important
Connect With Darlynn:
- Sign up for love notes and learn about working with me at www.calmmamacoaching.com
- Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress for daily tips
- Rate and review the podcast on Amazon
If you are in a pattern of being mean, the first thing you want to do is admit it to someone. Either to your partner, your sister, your best friend. Or you can talk about it with me.
That’s the reason I started working as a parent coach. To help you understand WHY you act the way you do, and get tools to change. And to help you understand WHY your kids act the way they do, and get tools to teach them.
I offer multiple options based on your family's unique needs. These programs are everything I needed when I was stuck in being a mean mom. Learn more here.
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