5 Things I Say The MostOct 13, 2022
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After 10 years of coaching parents, I’ve said a lot of things. But there are certain pieces of information, advice and mindset shifts that I come back to over and over again.
In this episode, I’m sharing the five things I say the MOST as a parenting coach.
And even if you’ve heard me say some of these before, they’re always worth hearing again.
#1 Be comfortable with your kid’s discomfort.
It’s in the tough moments of life where real learning and growing happens. And this can be hard for us to witness as parents.
Comfort with their discomfort looks like compassion without blame, shame, rescuing or saying “I told you so”.
#2 Feelings drive behavior.
All behavior is a result of thoughts and feelings, including your children's misbehavior.
When kids don't know what to do with their feelings, they show up in ways that don't work (hitting, shouting, complaining, whining, name-calling, refusal, ignoring, etc.).
But what if these behaviors don’t mean anything about our child’s character? What if these behaviors are just a form of communication? A way for your child to express their feelings?
#3 Parent the kid in front of you.
I like to say parent the kid in front of you, not the one you think you should have or the one you are afraid they'll become.
If your kid makes a mistake or misbehaves, that's information and insight to what your child already knows and what they still need to learn.
#4 Consistency is bullshit. Commitment is key.
Parents are always told that they should be consistent. Consistency is based around the idea to do the same thing every time, every day, in the same way.
Being consistent isn't possible, really. Because life isn't consistent.
I teach my clients to focus on commitment. When you are committed to a new limit, when you really want something to happen (like bedtime, chores, screen rules, no toys at the table, whatever), and it doesn't work out right away, you won't get so discouraged. You won't need to blame yourself.
Instead, you will reset and keep showing up for yourself, no matter how many times life gets in the way.
#5 Motherhood is a relationship, not a job.
When moms feel guilty, it's usually because they are trying to solve problems that aren't theirs.
This happens when you think being a mom is your "job".
In a job, you are responsible for a specific outcome. You have to complete certain tasks to get a result and if you don't do those tasks, the job doesn't get done and it's your fault.
You aren't responsible for your children's outcomes. And that can be a hard thing to accept.
I encourage you to pick one of these ideas and practice it this week. And listen to the full episode for a deeper dive.
- 5 game-changing parenting concepts
- How different coping strategies show up in your kid’s behavior
- The difference between consistency and commitment
- How the way you view your role as a mom might lead to guilt or disappointment
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If you want help with any of the concepts I talked about on the podcast this week, I encourage you to join Calm Mama Club.
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It’s everything you need to get calm and be more connected to your kid. Join us now.